Captain Planet: Genocidal Maniac

H/T jbonesteel at Deviant art: http://jbonesteel.deviantart.com/art/Evil-Captain-Planet-478117963

     Ah yes, I'm sure we all remember the good old days of sitting down on a Saturday morning with a bowl of cereal and vegging out to a couple of hours of mindless cartoons. Well unfortunately some of those cartoons were better than others. Case in point, "Captain Planet". Aside from his being an early social justice warrior rip off of Captain America, (we wouldn't want to offend any other cultures now!) this was a cartoon of pure propaganda. In every instance the bad guy was some rich tycoon who was, for some unknown reason, purposefully trying to poison and kill his customers. That's not exactly a good business model, and one wonders how they became millionaires with such a strategy. But with our little skulls full of pudding, we'd take it in, and unquestioningly believe it! After all, the superhero said this was bad, and superheroes don't lie! Except until some of us got older and outgrew such nonsense. Sadly a good many of us never escaped this childish mindset, and still happily believe the propaganda spoon-fed to us at every turn.

     But let's take a second and examine this. First, we're led to believe that, of course, the only American on the team is a bumbling loudmouth without the sense God gave a dog, while the women, and two men of color, are constantly having to save him from himself. Let's look at the regions of origin of some of these "planeteers".

     Kwame, the "earth wielding" planeteer hails from Ghana Africa, one of the most impoverished countries in the world. Also, roughly 17000 people die annually there from air pollution. Maybe he should've stayed home to fight that rather than running around the globe?

     Linka, from the Soviet Union has the "power of wind". Chernobyl anyone?

     Gi, from Thailand, where their most popular island beaches are being closed due to pollution. Perhaps she should've spent her time using her "water power" to scoop that off the beaches?

     Ma-Ti, wielding the "power of heart" (also known as the power to brainwash) comes to us from Brazil. I don't think I have to remind anyone of the oddly colored pool water for the Olympians this year at Rio, or the folks doing the canoe slalom having to dodge not just the poles for the competition, but also the occasional discarded couch or appliance. Perhaps Ma-Ti should've stayed home to brainwash his people into caring about that? (As an aside, he was probably the most useless character in the show, just sayin!)

     That brings us to our lead villain. Yes, I call him a villain. Why? Well honestly, the millions of dollars in property damage (ecoterrorism anyone?) the massive damage to the planet from the explosions and fires when he destroys the "evil machinery" of those "eco villains", and the injuries received as this vigilante metes out his own Laws of the Environment. But that's not the worst of it, which brings me to why I brought this up. There are talks to make a live action film of Captain Planet in the works. (http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/captain-planet-movie-leonardo-dicaprio-938852)

     However there's one major implication that I don't believe our ecofreak friends have thought through very well. Need a hint? Remember the theme song (https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=i_UYFKh8JeU) More specifically, do you remember the line "Captain Planet, he's our hero, gonna take pollution down to zero."? Well lets take a quick look at this shall we? (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-worst-climate-pollution-is-carbon-dioxide/) Well according to Scientific American, and the EPA, CO2, the natural byproduct of respiration, is pollution. Well how could Captain Planet take pollution to zero, if all life forms are spewing this "dangerous pollutant" into the atmosphere every time we take a breath? Well, the only solution would be to systematically destroy every non-plant based life form on the planet. It's the only logical conclusion. However this leave ol Cap P with a conundrum. While I'm sure he'd have little compunction in wiping out us grossly overpopulated humans, he'd also have to destroy all of the animal life as well. This would run counter to his Law of the Environment. However since he himself is a product of the earth, he cannot help but follow through with wiping out the evil pollution, but at the same time he is violating his very reason for existence. In my mind, he'd snap under the paradox, and simply lay waste to everything. Of course that's just my opinion, but I think this about sums up the insanity and vicious circle that is the radical evo movement.